Screwdriver? Yeah, just look for the huge toolbag. It's right behind the toolshed.

In what could provide an endless supply of posts, let me dive into some of the reasons Bill Simmons is an annoying jackass who has become too popular for his own good.

I will confess, I have been reading The Sports Guy articles for several years now. In fact, his articles were the main reason I went to espn.com, well, you know, aside from checking scores and reading actual analysis. But all that aside, when did The Sports Guy become so huge? He's got his own podcasts (which are terrible), youtube video collections, hell, even his random idiot friends have podcasts just because they hang out with the guy.

I think part of the reason he got to be so popular was because everyday fans could relate to him, mainly because he suffered through terrible Celtics years and having the Red Sox fall short every year. The average fan can relate to having bad to mediocre teams, because most teams realistically have no shot at winning the championship in any given season. Now that the Pats are a mini-dynasty, the Celtics have the best record in the NBA and the Red Sox have won two World Series titles in the last four years, the average fan from Denver, Atlanta or Minnesota can't relate anymore. What used to come off as anguished bitterness now comes off as whining. Oh no, everyone is mad at the Patriots for cheating! Waa, JD Drew doesn't care about me as a fan. ~sniff~My wife is way better at gambling on sports than I am. Enough, man. Now he's an insufferable jackass who thinks Boston is the center of the universe.

Only Bill Simmons could justify his voting selection based on some ridiculous Bill Belichick metaphor. "They've been in the office before and made all their mistakes the first time around. Shades of Belichick learning from his Cleveland days. This time around, at least we know they'll take over the office with a game plan instead of limping through that first "What the hell am I doing?" year that seems to happen to every new president." And I'm not even going to get into the fact that he is considering voting for Hillary.

And what the hell is this comment? Finally, the Jaguars made an enormous mistake by allowing this to happen on their Web site. Haven't teams learned by now not to rile up the 2007 Pats? Lay the points and thank me later. Wow, so some website editor decided to point out the fact the Patriots cheated, and now the Patriots are going demolish the Jags in retribution? First of all, I think the asterisk is hilarious. But like I mentioned in my Spicer post, is this really something that the players are going to be talking about and get offended? Give me a break, Simmons, and get over yourself.

I can only hope that Jacksonville saves us from the possibility of having three major Boston sports teams win championships in the same season. In fact, I hope we have a Manning-Manning Super Bowl so that he can complain about how the Pats beat both of those teams in the regular season and still deserve to be mentioned as one of the greatest teams ever, all while he's watching Peyton and Eli share a hug with the Lombardi Trophy and Tom Brady is putting diapers on his illegitimate child.